Staying in My Room: Why I like the Coronavirus

Yep, you read that right. I am enjoying the coronavirus and how it has affected my personal small bubble. I do understand that people are dying and yada yada, you negative Nancy’s, but this is not about that. This is about me, myself, personally enjoying this time period. Anything said in this article is my opinion and is likely unresearched. I think that counts as a disclaimer. Anyways, here’s 5 reasons why I am enjoying my Corona time.  


You guys call it quarantine, I call it paradise. I hate leaving my room. In an ideal world, I don’t leave my room until 6 p.m. each day. In the real world, I only leave my room at six because that’s my gym time. I do miss the gym, but with it being closed, I really don’t have a reason to leave at all.  I don’t like talking to people, I don’t want to interact with anyone of the male species (that I’m not already friends with) in general, ever.  This quarantine has just made the whole world act like I would act If I had enough money not to have to go to work. 

P.S. People have been discussing this isn’t new. I’m surprised people are just figuring that out now. 


This Coronavirus has gotten me out of a lot of stuff I don’t wanna do, school is one of them. As I stated earlier I don’t like getting up before six, classes are not an exception to that rule. Now I still go to some of them, but I am tired and unhappy when I’m there. Now I don’t have to go to any of my classes anymore and can stay in my room.


I’m a senior graduating in May. A lot of people were looking forward to graduation. I was not. I had actually decided not to walk and the only thing that changed my mind was when I told my mom she started to cry. Graduations are not fun. It’s a two hour event where you have to hear speeches from generally three people. The president of the school, AKA some big important person that I have never talked to and have no connection with. The guest speaker which is the same as the president except they’re getting paid to be there (I think, I don’t know that for sure, but if I were a guest speaker I would need a check to show up) and a valedictorian, who I’m sure some students do know. I did know my high school one, but I guarantee I have no idea who the one for my college is,  and I don’t really care what they have to say. Besides, they are all gonna say the same thing, “You worked so hard to get here, all those long hours, late night study sessions blah blah blah.” Your futures are so bright now that you have this degree that isn’t even enough to get me a promotion at my retail job. If you actually wanna sit through one of those boring speeches there’s plenty on YouTube. (Go ahead. Look some up, you have time). After all that, you have to sit through another hour of people you don’t know go and get their degrees, just waiting to hear your name. When it’s finally your turn, you go up there, shake hands with the president – whose name most students probably don’t even know – and you’re excited because you’re finally done with college. Only thing is that reality will hit the next day when the bank emails you saying its time you start paying back that thirty thousand dollars they loaned you. Anyways, that’s a bit of a tangent, but I am glad that I don’t have to sit through that ceremony now. 


As stated plenty of times before, I don’t like leaving the house. The one exception to that is when I am being paid too. I work at Target, which is apparently an essential business. I don’t know if I agree with that, but I’m not gonna argue. Anyways, this Coronavirus has made my job so much easier, while I get paid more. Target has bumped our pay to $15 an hour, from $13, which is great. What’s even better is a lot of people aren’t coming into the store due to quarantine. My job is to put things on shelves and help people. It can be more complex than that, but that’s the gist of it. There is less stuff to put on shelves when there are less people in the store taking things off the shelves, so my job is easier there. Then, with less people in the store, there are less people to help and ask me stupid questions that they could figure out, IF THEY WOULD JUST USE THE TARGET APP. It literally will tell you if we have the item in the store and, if we do, which aisle. Besides, when you ask me where something is, that’s what i’m gonna use to see if where it is anyways. So all of these conversations are useless and could be avoided.  Did I mention I don’t like talking to people? That doesn’t change because I’m at work. Plus, I got a little paper saying I am an essential employee.  That means I am important, and everyone who doesn’t have one isn’t essential and thus less important. In other words, I’m cool and you’re not and no, you can’t sit with us. 

More Money

So since number 45 was elected, I have been hearing about how he’s a bigot, a racist, fascist you name it. I don’t follow politics. I am not accusing him of being any off those, this is just what I am told. Regardless, any bigot, racist, fascist who wants to give me a thousand two hundred dollars for being alive is alright with me. I like my money and since I haven’t had to stop working, this isn’t replacing funds I lost (I actually got more hours since this whole thing started) but just extra funds. I have had some people tell me I shouldn’t get anything because I am still working. To those people I say, “I have personally put out hundreds of Clorox pads, toilet paper, gallons of water, bottles of soap, we ran out of hand sanitizer three weeks ago, but before, that too. I’m on the front lines, that’s dangerous work. So I need my money.”

P.s.  I do find it interesting how Target ran out of hand sanitizer three weeks ago yet has plenty of soap. 

A wise man once said, “If the outdoors were so good why did we spend so much time perfecting indoors.” I have no idea which wise man said that, but he sounds smart to me. People, stop stressing about this virus. Just stay in your house, It’s great in there. We got this thing called wifi, it will change your life. To my people going through this without wifi, I don’t know how you are reading this, but I feel for you. That’s pretty much prison. Nah, I take that back. Prison has wifi. To the rest of us, enjoy this Coronacation, and pray this Corona check comes fast and swift because I haven’t seen a single landlord say rent won’t be due on the first.